“MOTHERS
DAUGHTERS DONETTES AND CHINA DOLLS”
A play in
one act
By Johnny
Culver
Johnny
Culver
2273 43rd
Street
Astoria,
NY 11105
917 691
6884
CHARACTERS
DORIS
HENKEL - A loud, tall gangly woman; very vocal, mid sixties in age and
appearance. She is always right. But, something is not quite
right with her.
CANDY
JEAN HENKEL - Quiet and a little off balance, middle aged. Short and stout, Candy Jean has little
interest in her personal appearance, and it shows. Always last at everything,
but either does not realize or does not care.
MR.
WHOOP– Older man, waiting at the vision center, as well.
SETTING
The
waiting area of a vision center in a small town. It is a
rainy afternoon a
few years ago
Candy sits, calmly waiting, with Mr. Whoop. He is reading the Pennysaver magazine. After a pause, a wet Doris storms in.
DORIS
Candy
Jean Henkel! What are you doing just sitting there! You should be back at your
register! Back to bagging at the Grants store! How long does it take to get
your eyeglass frames tightened? Those crummy frames?
You’re always losing them, anyway.
(Sees Whoop)
What are
you looking at?
(Whoop looks away, back to his Pennysaver,
squinting)
CANDY
Oh!
(Caught
off guard)
I just
want to get my frames tightened…I was just…I’m waiting for the Doreen to
return…so she can tighten my frames.
(Nervously
stands up between Mother and Whoop)
Mother, I thought you were going
to buy a coffee at the Mr. Donut? You did bring the gift check with you, didn’t
you? I didn’t think I’d see you here so early. Mr. Whoop, this is my mother,
Doris Henkel. This is Mr. Whoop, do you remember him, Mother
DORIS
(Eyes Whoop)
Mr.
Whoop, huh? Maybe I do…and maybe I don’t.
(Looks back at Candy)
Of course
I brought the damned gift check! I got to use the crummy thing up, don’t I? I
don’t know what you were thinking, Candy, getting me a Mister Donut gift check
for my birthday? Is Doreen here?
(Turns to Whoop)
I came to
visit my sweet daughter, my china doll, she works here, you know…
(Pulls magazine from Whoop)
You
shouldn’t hold that Penny saver so close to your eyes. You need to get your
eyes checked, if you ask me.
CANDY
That’s
why he is here mother, to get his eyes checked.
(To Whoop)
I asked
her what she wanted for your birthday. And she said, “Oh I don’t know, a Mister
Donut gift check.” So that’s what I got her!
DORIS
I wasn’t
serious. Candy Jean, you spent your entire weeks pay on this gift check. 50
dollars!
(To Whoop and points to herself)
What the
hell am I going
to do with 50 dollars worth of coffee and Donettes!
(to Candy)
If you
had to get me some crummy gift check, you could have taken the cross town bus
to the Burger Chef and gotten me one of their gift checks.
CANDY
Well,
Mother, you don’t have to use it up all at once. You can get a coffee one day,
a bag of Donettes the other day; little by little you use it up.
DORIS
I am
never going in that crummy place ever again. I was just in there and got so
angry, I couldn’t see straight. Where is that sister of yours?
(Sits next to Whoop, who slides far away)
My
Doreen, my doll, I thought she was working here today? Or did you lose her too?
Just like you lost that man of yours…Virgil…
(To Whoop)
He was so
good to her.
CANDY
Virgil
was not…don’t start with that again…Doreen is supposed
to be here…
(Sits)
What
happened, mother? What’s got you so upset? Tell me.
(Proudly holds up bag)
Look, I
remembered to pick up the corn cob handled kitchen knives you wanted from
Grants…
DORIS
(Hesitant, but wants attention)
Now you
ask…well, I walked in there and went right to the counter and said to the young
man “Good day young man. I would like a coffee with Cremora.
I have a gift check.” Then he says to me ‘Would you like sugar in that?”
(Calls to Whoop at the end of the waiting area)
You can
just imagine the look on my face-
CANDY
Nothing
wrong with that, Mother. He was just asking you-
DORIS
I have
been on this earth for over two thirds of a century, Candy Jean. I think I know
what I want in my coffee and how to order it. That runt was just trying to get
at my gift check! They’d never do that at the Burger Chef-
CANDY
I really
don’t think-
DORIS.
I know
you don’t, Candy Jean. Do you want me to continue telling you why I am so
upset, or not?
(Pause)
Your sister, Doreen, would sit quietly and let
me finish my story. She wouldn’t interrupt her mother. She wouldn’t interrupt Mr.
Whoop either, if he was complimenting her eye exam work, her skill as a vision
center assistant. I think Mr. Whoop here would like to hear the end of my
story, wouldn’t you?
CANDY
Allright.
(sighs)
What
happened?
DORIS
Well,
after I got my coffee at the Mister Donut, I thought it would be nice to have a
few of those Donettes to go with the coffee.. I went
up to that thief at the register and said “Young man, when you get your mind
off my gift check and back to business, I would like five Donettes. To go.” I looked him
right in the eye.
CANDY
Mother…
DORIS
Well,
that little hooligan at the register, well, he just looked at me and said
“Madam, would you like TEN Donettes?” I nearly had a heart attack! If I had my
glycerin tablets, I would have certainly needed one right then and there! Harassed…swindled
by some crummy kid at the Mister Donut-
CANDY
I can’t
believe…Mother, maybe the Donettes are cheaper if you
buy ten of them. He was trying to save you money. Trying to be nice…where is
Doreen?
(Puts
glasses on seat
I have to get back to The Grants Store. I can’t be
late. I’m still new there…bagging…
(Beginning
to get distraught, and turns to Whoop)
I don’t want to go back to selling soap…door to
door…remember, Mr. Whoop? I came to your door. , with my suitcase of...samples?
DORIS
(To Whoop, who is slinking in his seat)
That kid
was trying to get me fat. So fat he could steal my gift check and run away
without me being able to follow him. I’d be so full of Donettes, I could barely
walk! The police wouldn’t recognize me either, as fat
as I’d be…
(To Candy)
Candy
Jean, Mr. Whoop is going to sit on those eyeglasses if you leave them there,
his eyesight is pretty crummy. I doubt you could afford a new pair of frames,
not these exclusive frames that your sister sells here.
CANDY
Mother…
DORIS
Here,
take this gift check back.
(Takes
check out of pocket)
I want
nothing more to do with this crummy thing. Fine birthday present you get me,
Candy Jean!
(Hands
over check)
You could
take a lesson from your sister, Doreen, and give your poor mother something she
could really use.
(Pats her
purse))
One
hundred dollars…cash! She does pretty
well, working here at the vision center, that sister of yours. This afternoon,
I am going to hop on the cross-town bus and head to the Montgomery Ward’s
appliance department and have a look around. Maybe on my way, I’ll stop at the
Burger Chef and have a nice hot lunch. That Burger Chef knows how to treat HIS
mother let me tell you.
CANDY
(Puts
check on seat, with her glasses)
She gave
you money for your birthday?
(Looks
around)
Where is
that sister of mine? You wait right here, Mother.
(Stands
and looks into the backroom)
Doreen?
Doreen Henkel? Are you here? Mother is here and I would like to see you before
I go back to Grants…. And Mother, that’s all I could afford to get for
you for your birthday.
(Goes to Whoop)
Did you
see her leave? See Doreen leave?
(Loudly)
The
vision center assistant?
DORIS
Mr. Whoop can’t see two feet in front of him.
(Waving
eyeglasses)
You won’t
see her too well, either, without these! If you have lost my daughter, Candy
Jean, you have a good bit of explaining to do. Doreen is a valuable young lady
and I will not have her misplaced like some old …laundry receipt!
(Candy
returns from looking for sister)
Well,
where is she? Maybe she told Mr. Whoop here about how poorly you treat your
mother, and walked right out. Too
embarrassed to let anyone know she knew you.
(Hands
glasses to Candy)
CANDY
(Getting angry)
Mother,
stop it. You’re getting all worked up. I have to get back to work. To Grants. Maybe I’ll
see Doreen on the way.
(Hands
glasses to Doris)
Here, can
you ask Doreen to fix my glasses? If she comes back before I do? And can you
bring them back to my register at Grants?
(Goes to
door)
Goodbye, Mr. Whoop.
(She
pulls on raincoat and goes out back door)
DORIS
(Calls
after her)
Don’t
come back until you find her! I don’t want to see you again until you have
found her!
(to Whoop)
How am I
supposed to pay? With this crummy Mister Donut gift check?
(Thinks,
her mood changing, she catches her breath)
Doreen
would never charge her mother to get glasses tightened…I wish I was at the
Burger Chef.
(Pause,
then she sits on glasses, she becomes very quiet)
I’ll just
sit and wait…
(Pulls
Mister Donut bag out of purse)
…with my
coffee and Donettes….
(Realizes
she sat on glasses, stands and pulls them out from under her)
…crummy
frames ….
(She sits
next to Whoop and waits)
…those two girls of mine…different as night and
day…Doreen, so lovely and smart. She
is my china doll.
(Looks
around)
No, Doreen would never force her poor mother to eat
these stale Donettes! To let her be ridiculed and harassed like she was today!
Like my other loser daughter! That rag doll. Candy means sweet, but my candy is
not sweet at all. I should have given you a sour name, like cabbage, or
pickles. Pickle Jean Henkel! Pickle Jean! Unwanted jar of pickles! Working at a
dead end job at Grants! Can’t even sell salad!
(Gets up
with coffee and bag)
I want nothing from Pickle Jean; I don’t want her
gifts. I don’t want her corn cob handled kitchen knives! Or her Donettes!
(Throws
coffee and bag into trash)
She leaves me here to get her glasses fixed, like
some slave of hers! Well no more.
(She
hands glasses to Whoop and heads to door)
Mr. Whoop, get these
glasses fixed, and take them to Grants!
(A crash
is heard outside)
What the…? If that’s the boy from the Mister
Donut he’s got another thing coming
(She
takes her purse and is ready to hit whoever comes thru the door. Whoop stands behind
her)
That damned girl has got us fighting for our lives!
(The back
door opens and Candy enters, disheveled, Doris turns)
Well, too lazy to go back to work? Did you find my daughter? My
china doll?
CANDY
No, Mother I didn’t find her. I didn’t have a
chance to. I just missed being hit by the cross town bus. I didn’t see it
coming! I was almost killed!
DORIS
I have no
time for this. Doreen would never waste my-
(Points to Whoop)
-our time
with this silliness. Poor Mr. Whoop needs to get his
eyes checked! He needs my Doreen! If you had your glasses on, Pickle Jean, this
never would have happened. That cross
town bus never killed anyone! You left us here with your glasses. We could have
been attacked, by that boy from the Mister Donut!
(Takes glasses from Whoop and dangles them in front
of Candy)
Your Virgil
would never leave his glasses unattended-
CANDY
(Grabs
glasses, turns to Mr. Whoop and recalls her terrible times with Virgil)
Virgil used to sit in the kitchen and watch his TV. He used to sit up
close to the TV, because of his eye problem. He never got his eyes checked. The
wheels of his wheelchair would touch the TV, he sat so close. I never want to
see Virgil again.
(She sits
and pulls candy from her pocket)
DORIS
(To
Whoop)
I’d get those eyes checked, if I
were you, Mr. Whoop. You don’t want to end up like that. In a
wheelchair.
(Spies Candy)
You’re eating candy? Don’t
bother, you‘ll never be a sweet girl. Eat all you want.
CANDY
They’re mints. I eat when I am
upset, Mother. Leave me and my mints
alone.
(Whoop
sits next to her)
Leave Mr. Whoop alone, too.
DORIS
I thought you wanted to lose
weight…I don’t know why, Virgil liked you just the way you are…from what he could
see of you.
CANDY
They’re thin mints…leave us
alone.
(Shares
mints with Whoop)
DORIS
(acidly)
I wish I was like you, Candy
Jean, not a care in the world. No work to do...plenty of time to eat thin mints
and share your misery with strangers…
(Looks at
mints)
These are mints from behind your
register at Grants! You stole them! First you steal Virgil, then those thin
mints! I bet you stole those corn cob handled kitchen knives, too! Giving your
mother stolen merchandise….Doreen would never…
(Points
at Whoop)
You be careful, she might just
steal you too!
CANDY
(Almost
at her wits end)
That’s enough Mother, Don’t try
to drag other people into your-
DORIS
I don’t know why you ever left
Virgil, Candy Jean, if you were so happy. Why you left him and moved back in
with me. I want you out of the house!! Go back to Virgil! Or have you-
(Looks at
Whoop)
Oh, now I see. Now I understand.
It’s you, isn’t it? You’re in on all of this, too.
(Whoop
starts to leave)
CANDY
(Grabs
his coat)
Don’t go! You have to get your
eyes checked! Mother, leave Mr. Whoop alone. I don’t
want to talk about Virgil any more.
(Sighs
strangely)
I didn’t know Virgil either. You
practically pushed me into his house! Into the arms of a sick old man!
(shudders)
I have to get back to Grants! Back
to bagging other peoples things…
DORIS
You’re not qualified to work at
Grants, Candy Jean Henkel. All you know how to do is sell salad, and not too
well at that. No one ever bought it. Virgil wasn’t too happy about that.
CANDY
Virgil! Virgil! Virgil! I had to
push him around town in his wheelchair, door to door, selling that disgusting
soap from a dirty suitcase. No one ever bought it, Mother, because it was
disgusting. Virgil was disgusting….
DORIS
Honestly, Candy Jean, every since
you left that Virgil, you have so….difficult. If only I could get you to go
back to him…he treated you so well.
(to Whoop)
Like a queen…
CANDY
He treated me well? Mother, I had
to sleep on a cot in the kitchen next to the icebox. With the open gas oven to
keep me warm. I could have died, inhaling that gas. I’d be a dead Queen!
DORIS
Gas is good for you, Pickle Jean.
(Looks in
trash)
What a waste of perfectly good
corn cob handed kitchen knives. Stolen knives.
(Tosses
them back in trash)
You’d like Virgil, Mr. Whoop. You’d
like his soap. Maybe you’d like to buy some?
CANDY JEAN
He was crazy; he thought people
would break into the house in the middle of the night and take his soap. I was
guarding his suitcase of disgusting soap!
It was terrible! I had to stop cars in the street, selling his soap. Knock
on strange doors. I could have been killed back there! With
Virgil.
DORIS
Virgil knew not to take his
wheelchair into traffic. Virgil is a very smart man. You could have learned
from him.
(to Whoop)
She could have gone to…Virgil U.
CANDY
Virgil U?
(Looks at
watch)
I’ve been gone too long. Oh
crummy watch!
(To
Whoop)
I am going be fired when I get
back to Grants. Out of work. Back on the street
DORIS
(Goes to
trash and gets out coffee and donettes)
You wouldn’t have to work if you
stayed with Virgil. Stayed on his cot. Guarded his salad. Helped him in his wheelchair. But you ran back to me, and, look, now I’m forced to eat out of the trash can at the
crummy vision center! Thanks for everything, Pickle Jean, the dirty rag doll! (Smugly sips coffee)
Doreen, my china doll, would
never allow her mother to drink trash coffee
(Hands
coffee to Whoop)
Would you like to try my trash
coffee?
CANDY
(Stands
and slaps coffee from mothers hand)
You listen here, you old monster.
I was almost killed out there, with that damned crosstown
bus, because of you, and I could have been killed back then, with Virgil. Don’t
you care? This is all because of you. Why did you send me away to live with
that disgusting, crazy, dirty old cripple? Do you hate me that much? Is Doreen
so much better than me? Is she? Is she? China doll?
Why she’s nothing but a snotty spoiled woman!
DORIS
(Pause,
as she contains her anger)
Don’t talk about Doreen like that!. And don’t you ever talk about Virgil that way, ever
again! (She heads to door, getting her
umbrella and coat on the way)
I’m going home, Candy Jean. Get
your own crummy glasses fixed.
(To
Whoop)
Now you see what I have to live with!
She needs to go back to Virgil, back to her father-
CANDY
Father? You’re
crazy.
DORIS
(To Whoop,
confiding in him)
Doreen was a little present from Virgil,
to me, I always wanted a perfect china doll…to put high up on a shelf…then, out
of the blue, Virgil gave me, surprised me, with another…present, a filthy rag
doll, to sit in a dirty corner. A doll who can’t even sell soap! What was I to
do with two dolls?
(coyly)
Mr. Whoop, have you ever been to the Burger Chef? Would you care to join me?
(Takes
his arm and leads him to the door)
I’ll read the menu to you, if
you’d like… You can get your vision checked another time…my Doreen is always
available here at the vision center…
CANDY
Dolls? No…You’re
sick…I don’t believe you…can’t believe you…Where are you going? Mr. Whoop,
don’t go with her!
WHOOP
(To
Candy)
Stop by my house tonight, you
pretty young thing. I’d like to try some of your soap…
DORIS
(Surprised)
Candy Jean? Pretty? That dirty
doll? Why Mr. Whoop! You DO need to get your eyes checked! (To Whoop)
Come along, maybe we can catch
the cross-town bus… and remember, Candy Jean, Stop and get me a few Donettes
and bring them home, will you? You DO have a gift check.
(Walking
out)
Do you like dolls, Mr. Whoop?
(They
exit)
CANDY
No, I don’t have a gift check,
not any more…
(She rips
up check and tosses it to the floor)
Get your own crummy Donettes!
(Sees
small sign on seat and picks it up, reads)
“Doreen, your vision center
assistant, has gone to lunch and will return shortly”. Well, Doreen, I’ll just wait. I’ll just stay here and wait for
you…we can play dolls, just like sisters…
(Goes to
trash pulls knives from trash)
We can play dolls in the kitchen…
I’ll put these corn cob handled kitchen knives to good use, too…
(Paces
room)
Doris Henkel What is you to do
with two dolls? Well, worry no more; your crummy china doll is about to crash
right to the floor!
(She
waits with the knives, glistening in the light
END OF PLAY