“New Years Eve”
A
play in several scenes
By
Johnny Culver
917
691 6884
CHARACTERS
Wendy – overweight, irritating,
lacks social skills, early 20’s
Jimmy – new to NYC, spindly,
frail, very nervous, early 20’s
Miss Rivas – tough Latin matron,
runs the customer service office with an iron fist, mid 50’s
Ma – Wendy’s mother, bossy, a little blunt, mid 50’s
Receptionist (offstage)
Scene One: The Customer Service
Office of a small New York publishing company, It is a a
damp foggy New Years Eve in the Mid 70’s
JIMMY
(Sits at desk, reading aloud)
"And
as the clock in the town center struck midnight, Melanie discovered she could
see once again. She and her father lived happily ever after, sweeping the cobblestone
streets..."
(Puts
down manuscript)
So, what did
you think?
WENDY
(Picking her nails)
Ya lost me
when the she lost her glasses. She coulda got
hit by a car. Or a bus.
JIMMY
The little
girl, Melanie, .was poor and blind, living in the streets, it's
part of the story. And her father was a street sweeper.
MISS
RIVAS
(Trying to work at her desk, sick of the
chatter)
The girl
should have had two pairs of the eye glasses! Did they have a bookastore in the
town that Melanie did the living in?
JIMMY
No bookstore,
this was long before bookstores and towns had a town crier to keep-
MISS
RIVAS
(raps on typewriter)
We sell to
the bookastore, not the crying towns! What kind of town does not have the booka
store? Our publishing company would not do the business with people who cry all
the time-
WENDY
Once I got a
new pair a glasses and I hated wearing them, so I lost them on purpose. Left’em in the
church bathroom. Boy was my dad ever sore at me. And I had ta move ta
the front of the room so I could see the chalkboard. It was…humidifying. I
cried all thru social studies.
(pleads)
Can we go
now, Miss Rivas? It's New Years Eve!
JIMMY
Humiliating, Wendy.
But, do you like the story? Could they be in a book? Could it be published by
our company?
MISS
RIVAS
Your booka
would not sell, Jimmy. And we would have returns and credits to issue. The bookastores would be mad at us! Nooo!
WENDY
Miss Rivas,
look at the time, we should close and go home! No one's gonna call us at this
hour! I got a party at the VFW to get ready for! They’re gonna have live disco
music. My makeup's gonna take at least an-
MISS
RIVAS
Jimmy,
something in the story is not right. You say the funny things, but then you say
the sad things. Miss Rivas doesn’t know whether to laugh out loud or use the
tissue to do the crying.
WENDY
Once my dad fell down the basement stairs when the lights went out. That was funny. But then he yelled at me ‘cause he found a half eaten can a chocolate frosting under
my bed. That was sad.
MISS
RIVAS
Nooo! The
chocolate frosting is for the kitchen, not under the bed! Get to work! We are
here to do the Customer Services, not listen to Jimmy's stories. I have credits
to issue for the returned booka.
(She
starts to type madly)
JIMMY
There’s no
work to do. Miss Rivas, Wendy is right.
WENDY
I am? It's OK
to keep a half eaten can of chocolate frosting under-
JIMMY
We should
close. I have to get home. I have a-an, um, friend coming over for New Years
Eve.
WENDY
Friend? Jimmy,
you were just complaining to me over Christmas that you don't got no friends! Geez, I thought I knew everything about you,
living downstairs in our basement apartment. I hope you and your friend
aren't planning on makin’ too much noise! My dad goes
to bed early on New Year’s Eve.
JIMMY
(nervous)
He’s a new
friend, Wendy. I just met...him...a few days ago. He’s…Chet. We’re going to maybe
go to Times Square, me and...Chet-
(under his breath)
If Chet shows up.
WENDY
You're having
strangers over to our house on New Year’s Eve? I'm gonna open the Post
tomorrow morning and see your picture on the front page...”Murdered at
Midnight!” See page three, under the daily number...
JIMMY
Chet is a
dancer…in a Broadway musical, not a murderer. He lives in Manhattan.
WENDY
Whatever play
he’s in, I ‘m sure it’s a killer!
(laughs at her bad
joke)
RECEPTIONIST
(off)
Wendy
Guranlick, I have a visitor out here for you. (to
visitor) Excuse me, you can’t go back-
MISS
RIVAS
Tell them to
go away. We are here to do the work, not do the entertaining.
MA
(enters)
All I want is
to say hello to my little Wee-wee! Is that such a crime?
WENDY
Ma! What are
you doing here?
MA
(Takes
out toothbrush)
My Wee-Wee here
left the house this morning without brushing her teeth. She was in such a hurry
to get to work! Miss Rivas, you have one dedicated employee here. I am so
proud!
WENDY
Ma!
JIMMY
That is so
unhygienic.
MA
One day,
she’ll be running this department!
MISS
RIVAS
Nooo! The
bookastore would not like it!
(Takes
out dictating machine headphones)
JIMMY
You didn’t
even brush your teeth! That’s disgusting.
WENDY
Sheesh,
Jimmy, I did last night, and -
(Smiles
broadly)
I don’t keep
a can a frosting under my bed any more, see?
MA
Just a bag of
candy orange slices next to her bed, on her nightstand. Much
more healthy for her. All that Vitamin C.
(Hands
toothbrush to Wendy)
Here you are,
Wee-Wee, now go and brush away! I’ll sit right here and do your work. Not as
well as you, of course.
MISS
RIVAS
Noooo!
WENDY
All right,
Ma. But when I get back from the ladies room, we are leaving. Miss Rivas
just said I could! Right, Miss Rivas?
(Leaves)
MISS
RIVAS
Noooo!
(Puts
on dictating earphones and goes back to typing)
MA
Jimmy, you
come along with me and Wee-wee. You can take the bus back to Astoria with us.
We have a little shopping to do on Steinway Street on the way…at the Revco…
(Looks
over Jimmy’s desk)
Now, what can
I do here? I used to be quite the filing whirlwind, back in the day…what’s
this? Another one of your stories, Jimmy?
(Looks
over manuscript)
Such nice typing.
I didn’t know you had a typewriter down in your basement apartment. I never
hear anything-
JIMMY
(Gathers
up papers off of desk)
No! It’s
nothing. I don’t have a typewriter. I, um, borrow someone else’s-
MA
(Points
to Miss Rivas typewriter)
You must get
here early and use that one! Very clever of you, Jimmy.
Maybe Miss Rivas would let my little Wee-Wee use the typewriter, too. Get
a little practice. She is very dedicated to her job, you know.
A real career girl.
(Shouts
to Miss Rivas)
You must be
so proud, Miss Rivas. I knew that correspondence course she took was good
money, in spite what her father said. I have never heard a smart word come out
of his mouth. Sass talk, but not smart talk.
(back to Jimmy)
He thought
the “office assistant in 30 days” course was a waste of money and
Wee-wee should have gotten a job at the Tru Value
Hardware store on Steinway Street. Measuring and cutting window shades. A dead
end job if you ask me. Just because he wasted his life away at the Tru Value Hardware store,, doesn’t
mean my Wee-wee has to. No! I taught her to make more of herself, to think on
her own, to rise above-
(Wendy
enters with toothpaste on her mouth)
Wee-wee,
can’t you wipe your mouth after brushing your teeth?
(Takes
tissue from her pocket, spits on it and wipes Wendy’s mouth)
What kind of
career girl walks down Fifth Avenue with toothpaste on her mouth?
WENDY
Ma! Stop it!
I can wipe my own mouth-
JIMMY
That’s pretty
disgusting too.
MA
Would Ann
Landers walk down Fifth Avenue with toothpaste on her mouth? Would Betty
Furness walk down-
MISS
RIVAS
(Rips
off headphones)
Go! Go! Go!
Leave Miss Rivas alone for the rest of the old year. Go Wendy, go Jimmy and go
the mother of Wendy! Go to the Revco, go to the Tru
Values, go to Fifth Avenue, and just go away!
JIMMY
I can stay,
Miss Rivas, if you want. I can, really. I don’t need to go to Revco.
MISS
RIVAS
No, you go,
too, Jimmy. Leave Miss Rivas to finish her credits and invoices.
WENDY
Goodbye, Miss
Rivas, see ya next year! I love saying that.
(Grabs coat and heads to door)
That’s was
easy. Thanks Ma!
MA
Thank you,
Miss Rivas, you are too good to my little Wee-wee. Come along, Jimmy. You can
use those big strong arms of yours to carry a few packages for me. We have to
stop at the Revco, first. The daughter of a friend of mine works there as a
cashier. Maybe you’ll like her…
WENDY
(Picks at Jimmy’s arm)
Those pencil
arms? Good thing we’re not buyin’ concrete blocks at the Revco. Ha! Well, I’m ready for some disco-ing.
JIMMY
Wendy, they
don’t sell concrete blocks at Revco, so I’ll be just fine…leave
my arms alone…
(They
all leave)
MISS
RIVAS
(Take
out champagne bottle and glass and pours)
Good, Miss
Rivas is finally alone. Alone at last. Happy New Year!
End of Scene One.
Scene Two:
The crowded, stuffy Steinway Street bus at rush hour. Jimmy sits in the middle
rear seat, Wendy and Ma on either side. Jimmy has packages on his lap. Wendy
drinks a bottle of Fresca thru a straw.
MA
…I thought
that cashier at the Revco was very nice, don’t you, Jimmy? Violet
Galotti. I know for a fact that she is…single…and…her mother tells me
that she plays the flute in her spare time. I’ve never heard her play the
flute, but maybe I could invite Violet and her mother over for coffee and
coffeecake and Violet could play the flute for us, and you could come upstairs
and…
WENDY
Ma, stop
trying to fix up Jimmy. He’s a writer. He has no time for girls.
(Sips Fresca loudly)
I love
Fresca. I could drink it warm…
MA
No time for girls? Jimmy, you make time. Get your nose out of your writing. Every young man has time for girls! Except for my brother, Maurice. But that’s another story.
JIMMY
(Nervous)
Mrs. Guralnick, I really don’t think that-
WENDY
Fresca…I
could drink it warm and flat…
MA
You could make time for Violet Galotti and her flute playing, Jimmy. Couldn’t you? She has a good job, too. Revco pays very well. And she gets a good discount.
JIMMY
I don’t like that kind of music…flute music…
WENDY
I love Fresca
so much…I could drink it warm and flat and out of a drainage
ditch…mmmm
MA
(Reaches over and slaps Wendy on the leg)
Wee-wee! Enough talk about
Fresca! Jimmy doesn’t want to hear about it. He’d rather hear about Violet
Galotti.
WENDY
Violet
Galotti is ugly and she smells like onions.
I sat behind her in homeroom for 4 years. It wasn’t fun. And I was
always tripping over that stupid flute case of hers.
(the bus stops
abruptly)
We’ll never get home.
(Looks out fogged
window)
I’ll never be ready in time for the party at the VFW.
(Loudly)
I’m all ready to disco!
JIMMY
We could just get out here and walk. It’s not too far.
MA
Walk? With all those packages? We paid a full bus fare, Jimmy. We should get a full ride, all the way home…maybe you could go to the party at the VFW, Jimmy. A little bird told me that Violet Galotti is playing the flute for the entertainment…
WENDY
Great, I’ll
trip over that stupid flute case of hers while I’m disco-ing.
JIMMY
I have a new friend coming over tonight. We’re going to maybe go to Times Square at midnight. I’ve never been there on New Year’s Eve before. The lights and the crowds…or maybe we’ll stay in. Chet and me.
WENDY
His name’s Chet, we know, we know. What kinda friend is named Chet?
MA
(The bus jolts again)
We aren’t getting far in this traffic-
(Wipes window and looks
out)
Oh, my, look, who is walking out on the sidewalk? Violet Galotti! With her flute case.
WENDY
I thought I smelled onions.
(Strains to look)
Is she tripping people with her flute case? She’s just as ugly as ever.
MA
Jimmy, give those packages to Wendy, and you get off the bus and walk with Violet. Help her with her flute case.
WENDY
Ya can’t miss her; she’s the one that smells like a hot dog cart.
JIMMY
I really don’t think-
(Thinks a second)
-that’s a bad idea at all!
(Hands packages to
Wendy and stands and squeezes thru the crowd)
Happy New Year!
(he
is gone)
WENDY
(Calls after him)
Watch out for the flute case, Jimmy!
MA
(Looks out window)
What a nice couple they’ll make –
(Calls out window)
No, Jimmy, Violet is over there! The other way, you’re going the wrong way! My, that boy can run.
(The bus starts to
move)
WENDY
Finally, I need to get home and practice my disco-ing.
End of Scene Two.
Scene Three:
Jimmy’s basement apartment. That evening. Jimmy
flutters about, nervously arranging what little things he has. A scratchy show
tunes record plays quietly in the background.
JIMMY
(to Chet who is not
there)
Well come on
in Chet. I hope you didn’t mind the long walk from the subway to get here.
There’s a bus, but I don’t take you - Manhattanees --for
the bus type.
(wanders about)
This is my
little apartment, not bad for just moving here from Ohio last summer…this is my
record player, and this is where I sit and write my stories, of which I hope to
have published one day. Just like I told you at the Howard Johnsons on 46th
and…Broadway, I have dreams just like you, Chet, you want to be a big musical
star and I want to be a famous writer!
(Points to Chet’s pants)
I see you got
those mustard stains out of your pants. Sorry, bout that. I was a little nervous
and careless; I never met anyone on Broadway before! Oh, Chet-
(holds out bowl of
onion dip)
I hope you
like-
(There is a knock at the door)
Accckk!
(Jimmy puts down dip and smoothes his hair
and lounges goofily by the table)
Come in!
(The door opens and Wendy appears, overly
made up and wearing a terrible disco dress, carrying her overcoat)
Wendy! What are you doing here?
WENDY
(sniffs the air)
I smell onions. Where is she? OK
Violet, I know you’re here!
JIMMY
That’s onion dip, Wendy, why
aren’t you at the VFW.
WENDY
(looks at snacks on
table)
Whatta spread, Jimmy! Onion Dip huh?
(heads to bowl,
then stops herself)
No! I will
not ruin my good breath with onion dip. I’d smell like onions and people would
think I was Violet Galotti!
JIMMY
Violet plays the flute and works
at Revco, Wendy. You don’t.
WENDY
Good point.
(Goes to bowl and takes a big fingerful of dip)
Mmmmm….I’ll just get a pack a Certs at the corner…and maybe a Fresca, to look slim
whilst I disco……
JIMMY
(Wanting to get rid of Wendy)
What do you want? I’m waiting
for-
WENDY
Your new friend, we know. Well,
Ma told me to come down here to tell ya that if your
friend was coming out to Astoria from the city, if he was on-
(Tries to remember word for word)
-the Double R
train, anywhere between 49th Street and Queensboro Plaza and
Astoria, all Double R trains would be redirected to the Queens Boulevard
express line to Jamaica Station, due to a signal malfunction in the Steinway
tubes and beyond. For local service,
return to Manhattan and take the Steinway Street bus or others means of
transportation. Please plan your travel accordingly. More news later on WINS- –
phew!
(Turns to leave)
I hope I got
that right.
(Heads out of door and bangs into MA)
Ma! Well, don’t wait up; I’ll be
disco-ing the night away! See ya,
Jimmy!
(She leaves
MA
With that onion breath, I hope
she won’t be doing any slow dances! A good career girl never goes anywhere
without her fresh breath.
(looks at spread of
snacks on table)
Well, Jimmy,
you certainly went all out for your new friend, dip, chips, Lancers wine! And I
love what you’ve done with this little basement. You can hardly see the hot
water heater behind that polyester blanket -
JIMMY
(glum)
Thanks.
MA
My brother
Maurice is a decorator, you know, I’d bet he’d be more than happy to see what
you’ve done down here. Give you a few helpful tips-
JIMMY
It doesn’t
matter. My friend Chet isn’t going to make it out here through all those subway
diversions. This New Years Eve is
ruined.
MA
(Sitting at table)
Jimmy, this
reminds me of a Christmas night a long time ago. Wee-wee wanted to go to Rockefeller
Center and see the Christmas tree and do a little skating. Which
surprised me because she had only skated once before in her life. She
was about 6 years old. Skated out on the ice. The ice
broke and she went right through!
JIMMY
Oh no! Did she sink! How did you
save her?
MA
It wasn’t a
big thing, really. She was skating on a little drainage ditch over by the Consolidated
Edison plant. But so there we were, all bundled up, ready to go to Rockefeller
Center and see the Christmas tree and do a little skating, when we got to the
elevated platform and there was no service! Some thoughtless man had chosen
that evening to jump in front of a train at our station!
JIMMY
That’s terrible!
MA
I thought so,
and the wife of that man thought so too. But you know who was the most upset?
Wee-wee! She cried and cried, even louder than the wife of that man. So I
walked her home, crying and crying through the streets of Astoria. I felt so
badly for little Wee-wee.
JIMMY
So what happened?
MA
I took her
home, dressed her in her little Sears Roebuck footed pajamas, gave her a little
cup of my special eggnog - a shot of brandy in every cup - and put her to bed. She
was out cold before Red Skelton! Which I thought was a good idea because her
father and I always agreed that Red Skelton was a little strange for children
to be watching, especially at night. With that greasy hair and all…
JIMMY
What does this have to do with
me?
(Goes to sink and loudly turns on water,
washing his hands)
MA
Jimmy things
happen for a reason, just like tonight! Things happen to everybody! Why I was
just talking to my brother Maurice on the telephone and he said that he was
planning to spend a quiet New Years Eve at home with a few of his decorator
friends, when, a few days ago, he was in the Howard Johnsons on 46th
and Broadway, and he noticed a sad looking young man in the corner, with the
worst mustard stains on his pants, of all things. Well, Maurice got to talking
with him and he felt so badly for the young man, that he invited him to join
his decorator friends for a quiet New Years Eve at home.
JIMMY
(Turns off water)
I didn’t hear
a word of what you said, sorry.
MA
Jimmy, things happen for a
reason, just like tonight! Don’t stay at home and feel bad. Pack up your onion
dip and chips and get on over to the VFW. If you are going to be alone, at
least be alone with other people…even Violet Galotti!
JIMMY
I guess you’re right. I’ll do
it!
(Starts to pack up food)
MA
(Grabs bottle of wine)
But, Jimmy, leave that Lancers
wine here. Me
and Wee-wee’s father may want to do a little
celebrating of our own!
End of Scene Three.
Scene Four:
The dingy VFW, about 11pm. Bland disco
music accompanied by flute can be heard in the background. An overhead black
and white television is tuned to Times Square. Jimmy enters with shopping bags,
and makes his way to the food table. A
group of well dressed middle aged men stop and look at him, the n return to
their conversation.
JIMMY
(Puts down bags)
Ugh, Wendy was right about these
pencil arms. I am a weakling.
(Loudly)
My New Year’s resolution is to
start going to the YMCA!
(The men look over again, smiling. He turns
away in embarrassment and unpacks his bags of food)
WENDY
(Heads to the table carrying a
Fresca bottle. She is a sweaty mess)
Jimmy! What
are you doing –
(points at TV)
There? You’re
supposed to be-
(points to floor)
Here! I mean-
(holds her head)
Sorry, all
that disco ing, I’m a little dizzy headed. Maybe this
is all a dream…
(Looks around)
Hey, where’s
your new friend - onion dip!
(helps him with
bowl)
JIMMY
I’ll tell you later. They got a nice turnout here for their New
Years Eve party. I’m impressed.
WENDY
It’s not so bad. And, I am sorry
to say that Violet Galotti plays a pretty mean flute version of “Love to Love You, Baby”.
(stretches and
moans)
But, seventeen
minutes writhing on that wooden floor there, Jimmy. My back is killing me. How did Donna Summers do it?
(The men look at her)
JIMMY
Who are those men, Wendy? They
look as out of place as I feel. And it’s Summer. No
last S.
WENDY
(Disinterested, poking through food)
Them? That’s just
my Uncle Maurice and his decorator friends. He said they were supposed to get
together with some guy, but they got stood up. So they hopped on the bus and
came out here! They brought Andre Duck champagne, too.
(Chugs the last of her Fresca and wipes her
face, hands bottle to Jimmy)
Well, back to the floor, Jimmy.
Violet promised to play “Do the Hustle”
next! Happy New Year!
((She hustles off, as, after a beat, a tipsy
Miss Rivas hustles on from the other direction, carrying a champagne glass)
MISS
RIVAS
Jimmy from the publishing
company customer service office!
(She hangs on Jimmy)
JIMMY
(Startled)
Miss Rivas! What are you doing
here?
MISS
RIVAS
(Looks around)
Where is the Miss Rivas? Ohhh! Miss Rivas was sitting at in the apartment of Miss
Rivas, when Miss Rivas remembered that song…
(to the tune of
Cabaret)
”what good is doing the sitting
alone in Miss Rivas’ room, come hear the music do the playing,
(hums loudly off
key)
-Go to the booka-store!
(The men look at her, she waves back)
Then Miss
Rivas remembered that all the booka-stores are closed on New Year’s Eve, so
Miss Rivas came all the way out to Astoria to the VFW!
JIMMY
You took the
bus, too? Gee, I thought that all you - Manhattanees
–aren’t the bus types.
MISS
RIVAS
Nooooo! Miss
Rivas did not do that taking of the bus. Miss Rivas took the taxicabs!
(calls to Wendy)
Wait Miss
Wendy! Miss Rivas will do the hustling with you!
(She starts to stagger off, then stops and
turns backs to Jimmy)
Jimmy, a little advice from Miss Rivas. Do not do the writing of blind Melanie
sweeping the cobbler streets with the father in the crying town, do the writing
of something you know…and people you love. Write about the New Years Eve!
(She gives Jimmy a sloppy kiss on the cheek)
Happy New Years Jimmy!
(She hustles off, singing to the tune of “If
I Were a Rich Man”)
If I were a
booka-store…
JIMMY
(Stands at center with Fresca bottle in one
hand and champagne glass in the other)
Thanks, Miss Rivas. I just think
I will.
(A mirror ball appears above and the disco
flute music swells as the men head over towards Jimmy)
Curtain