“Wally”
By
Johnny Culver
917 691 6884
Copyright 2009 Johnny Culver
WALLY
(In his dingy bedroom, he clears throat and speaks to audience)
“Bernice the Skunk Who Thought She Could Throw Her
Voice” by Wally Goldstein,
of Apartment 12-D, Coney Island Houses, New York, 11359.”
(Points to self)
That’s
me. Once upon a time, after a dinner of grubs and beetles, Bernice the skunk
sat in her cold cave watching $10,000 Pyramid. Her mother lay snoring on the
couch. Suddenly a mysterious voice rang through the air. “I hate you and you
stink!” the voice said. Bernice’s mother awoke with a snort. “Who said that?”
she mumbled. “Not me.” said Bernice’s mothers TV Guide. Bernice giggled. “Not
me.” said Bernice’s mothers pack of Viceroy Cigarettes. Bernice suppressed a
smile.
MA (off)
Wally?
Has my son locked himself in the bedroom again? Wally, such
bad behavior.
WALLY
(Ignores her)
“Not
me.” said Bernice’s mothers jelly glass full of gin. Bernice covered her snout
to hide her amusement.
MA (off)
Wallace?
Is that you in there? Don’t make me have to bang on the door! Every day more
trouble.
WALLY
(Ignores her, speaks louder)
“Not me.” said Bernice’s mothers dirty
bathrobe. Bernice slunk down into her nest of twigs to keep from guffawing out
loud. “Not me.” said Bernice’s father, his suitcase in hand; ready to leave the
cave for good. Bernice curled into a ball, shaking with laughter. “Not me.
Said-
MA (off)
Do I
have to get your father to come up here with the belt? Up from the street? He won’t like it.
WALLY
(Goes to window)
“Not me, said Bernice’s
mothers overdue Sears Roebuck bill. Not me, said her mother’s smelly-“
(Opens window)
MA (off)
Is
that the window I hear being opened? Wallace Goldstein, you’re letting all the
heat out! Open this door! This is not very manly of
you, Wally; you’re acting just like your sister! A girl!
WALLY
(Climbs on window sill)
“Bernice the Skunk couldn’t hide her laughter any
longer, so she stood, turned to her mother and looked her right in her worn,
angry, unloving eyes, and said…goodbye.”
(He jumps. Blackout)